Failure To Launch

Well friends, it’s been a week since I launched the website. And everything is going according to my diabolical plan. All my friends have been forced to subscribe out of support for me. My mom says I’m doing great and that I’m very special. And the free Puppies (#notactuallyapuppy) went out without a hitch….for the first 4 people who signed up.

But that’s okay, not to worry. My IT department is looking into the issue and they won’t rest until the bug is fixed….right dad? In the meantime, I’ll just have to make sure to manually send some of my emails, and that’s fun too.

Aside from my website issues, things are going well. This week, my assignment is to write a pitch. It’s supposed to start with an exciting hook, something to catch the eye and make the book stand out. Easy, right? I mean, it only took me a year to write the book, why shouldn’t I be able to sum the entire thing up in one sentence?

Stay tuned for the final product.

On a separate note, have you ever seen the scene in Shrek 2 where they head to visit fiona’s parents in a kingdom far, far away? Donkey spends the ENTIRE trip asking “are we there yet?” over and over and over and over….and over. As a kid, I thought that was an exaggeration because I know I could never have been that annoying. But I can now vouch for the creators of shrek 2. They must all have kids. Cuz that stuff is real.

I’m on a plane as we speak with my 4 year old. We are flying through the clouds. We are in frickin space. And Addison won’t stop asking “are we in the sky yet?” I don’t know any other way to make her understand. Yes love. We are in the sky. We haven’t left the sky in the last twenty minutes.

Luckily, Addison has stopped needing me for these conversations. She just answers for me.

Addie: Are we there yet?

Addie *speaking in a mom voice*: Not yet…just wait.

Addie: But it’s too hard to wait!

Mom-voice Addie: just wait. And you will get a treat.

I don’t remember promising treats, but hey, whatever gets us all through this trying time.

Pray for my sanity.

We are leaving here soon, so I’ll leave you with my first attempt at a hook and an excerpt from chapter two of The Turn of Her Smile.

The only man Charlie can truly trust is the who’s been hired to hunt her down.

“Your driver has arrived,” Gatsby declared and I heard a sky-speeder pull up to the port connected to my balcony. I was caught off-guard by a moment of grief, thinking of Michael’s death earlier in the week. I didn’t have friends—I wouldn’t allow them, but I had always depended on him to break me out of my little mental cages. He had earned my trust. How long would it take for my new driver to earn the same?

Pushing away my thoughts I climbed out on to the port to see my own speeder waiting there. And Everett in the driver’s side. He didn’t even look at me.

“Oh no, absolutely not. Gatsby, order me a different driver,” I called over my shoulder, hoping the AI could still hear me.

Everett turned his brown eyes up at me and relaxed an arm across the back of the seats. My seats.

“And what makes you think you can take my speeder?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, princess.” His brows furrowed. “Mistresses orders. I’m supposed to take you out to ruin some poor man’s life and then deliver you back before the clock strikes midnight and you turn back into a-“

“Watch yourself, Daniels. I tore the door open and slammed it behind me. “And don’t call me princess.”

A moment passed while I waited for us to move forward. When we didn’t move, I gave him an incredulous look. He returned the look pointedly, as if he were waiting for something.

“Daniels, you have to drive the speeder for us to go anywhere.”

“Seatbelts.” He pointed to my unfastened seatbelt. He couldn’t be serious. And yet, he was still waiting, half turned toward me. “You seem to think I’m kidding. I’m not.”

“Everett-“

“Charlie.”

“—don’t call me Charlie, and—"

“Okay, princess”

“—I am proficient in hand to hand combat, sharp shooting, blade handling and above all, I am right hand to the most powerful person in New York, your boss. I don’t need to wear a seatbelt.” The last words were all crammed into one breath of exasperation, and I had to take a moment to collect myself. When I was composed, I turned back to him. He had one eyebrow cocked, the most expression he had ever displayed, but he didn’t relent.

“That’s funny,” he started as he reached his arm across me to grab the seatbelt. He didn’t look at me as he did it, but his face was so close I could almost feel his five o’clock shadow. I found my mind blanking, recalling something about how I despised him. A moment later he had my seatbelt clicked and shifted the speeder into drive. “None of that very impressive title mentioned that you have anti-inertia powers or that your over inflated ego doubled as an air bag upon impact. Odd that you left those parts out.”